The Joy of Tomorrow

The snow softens, sharpens.
Enlightens, exposes,
The corners of my mind.

Chilled air rising, cleansing,
Awakening, Relaxing,
Every nerve on end.

Breathing in, breathe out.
Cold warmth.
Nights spend in peaceful rest.

The longest days slowly seep away,
Leaving one thing:
The joy of tomorrow and today.

The season surges forward,
Like a wave of faith,
Consuming all in it's path.

Cities. Countries.
Then the world.
Everything is washed aside:

To remember love.
To remember peace.
To remember the one who saves us all.

Books I Want

The Professor- Charlotte Bronte
Agnes Grey- Anne Bronte
Poems- By Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell
Hamlet- Shakespeare
Princess Academy
Shirley- Charlotte Bronte
Villette- Charlotte Bronte
The Green Dwarf- Charlotte Bronte

Favourite Quote by Acton Bell

When we have to do with vice and vicious characters, I maintain it is better to depict them as they really are than as they would wish to appear. To represent a bad thing in its least offensive light, is doubtless the most agreeable course for a writer of fiction to pursue; but is it the most honest, or the safest? Is it better to reveal the snares and pitfalls of life to the young and thoughtless traveler, or to cover them with branches and flowers? O Reader! if there were less of this delicate concealment of facts–this whispering 'Peace, peace', when there is no peace, there would be less of sin and misery to the young of both sexes who are left to wring their bitter knowledge from experience."- Acton Bell (Anne Bronte)

A Student's Lament

Its a trap that leaves few survivors-
These days we spend living routinely.
Through the halls walk the imitations,
Flickering replicas, all alike, save a few.

Dreams are momentarily repressed
In the cloud of childish adolescence.
Rarely do any rise above the push, the pull,
Of conformity.

For those that do it can be a lonely place,
Where few allies can be found.
Yet one day soon their time will come,
To join the world with equal opportunity.

A Silver Something

It laps like a silver something,
Waves like a dancer dancing.
And in its grander I am nothing
But a girl who seeks a dear old friend.

It cools as I dive on under,
Sooths as I swim on over.
And in its depths I am sheltered,
Like a part of its calm, wet world.

Peace rings through the restful stillness,
Sings through the sighs of mildness.
And each breath of air I inhale here,
Clears the mind of a girl at home.

Quiet Reigns

Skin that binds,
Eye that finds,
Crowds that push,
Words that mush.

In the loud,
Loud unsound,
Quiet reigns,
Spirit gains

Quietly led
Reverently said
Words resound
All around

All around
I am found.

Shine, Down Cast Dreamer

So often the weight of all that troubles-
All that weakens and makes man stumble-
Is thrust upon the minds of those with dreams;
Those that hope for a greater tomorrow.

A fracture in the road,
A weakness that makes you unable to bear the load,
Or a wall that stands in your way,
Can prevent you from seizing the day.

Yet it is there for only a moment,
And tomorrow earth’s sun will wake,
Shedding light and fresh, glorious hope,
On a new beginning of indefinite size.

The Teacher That Inspires

To inspire, to awake- those from the shadows look to you:
A towering figure, yet so often slouching beneath the gaze.
Though the mantle of youth falls so strongly upon their shoulders,
You have the ability to change their close-minded ways.

In their deepest intents, they strive to discover what words cannot tell.
They seek; they dig deep, stripping away the layers of childhood.
You can be the motivation, the direction, the revelation.
Yet so often you are passively indifferent when you could do so much good.

How rare it is to be touched by the likes of people who resemble you,
But you have a range of influence much wider, much bigger then you realize.
They wait for the day that you will wake- wake to find them waiting,
Waiting for your guidance, your encouraging spirit to help them individually arise.

And those that have received, those that through you have achieved,
They will forever sing your hallowed name to any who may be near.
For the moment you spent leading the way, will change a life infinitely,
And through you a child grows to be mature, and lost hope is made to persevere.

For Liberty

Today I made a pact,
And in this oath I swore
That I would act-
Without resting when some are without comfort.

I promise I'll work all day,
Sleep less at night,
And from this I will not sway-
For I have a responibility.

I never knew this happened,
That somewhere not so far,
Wars hand was not yet slackened.
That innocents were slaughtered mercilessly.

The deaths so well concealed,
Haunt the deep new trenches of my mind.
To me they have been revealed,
And now I act because I must.

Those who are given great knowledge,
Must act upon the task they are given.
And if i sit here and just acknowledge
I do little good in this life I live.

What good can I do?
There is so, so much.
So till then I have a debt due,
To society, to mankind- for liberty.

But Then I Look To The Heavens

The sky opens once in a lifetime for most,
And out pours the brightness of the stars.
Sitting here, watching the heavens unfold,
I wonder if this is closer to the creation then I thought.

Each meteor individually created,
Like the many lives God has whispered into existence.
How close I feel to him when I look up and think
That I know what makes them streak across the night sky.

They come close enough that I feel their pull:
The pull to follow the path of The All-powerful One.
To live a life as they do would be a dream:
Seeing all the wonders created by my maker.

And here on this earth sometimes I feel so disconnected,
But then I look to the heavens, way up there in the sky,
And I remember that he is in everything around me.
I just look up, reach up, stand up and he supports me.

Though the stars fall because of his direction,
I know the opposite is true with me.
He lifts me and bears me up to a place I could not reach before.
And His love raps me with a layer of light- like the one the meteors carry.

(Leonid Meteor Shower, November 16th 2009)

A Wall No One Climbs

She smiles at the wall contentedly
And it shows her everything she wants.
For on its surface the stars never vanish,
And in the cracks of the mortar, the world is at peace.
For a moment she can see anything she desires.

It is the barrier to what she wishes for,
And its unforgivingly steep climb is the way.
A challenge it poses but she smiles nonetheless.
Because if she stands on the points of her feet
She can see through a chink in the wall and catch a glimpse of the other side.

The beauty exceeds the sacrifice,
And she begins the climb, unassisted.
Falling once and then a second time,
Scrapes decorate her knees and elbows while she scales the wall,
A rare sight to those that begin to gather.

They mock and laugh.
The idea that someone would try to climb this wall
Seems completely and ridiculously impossible.
How could anyone believe this girl can reach the top-
Let alone the other side?

Yet she is persistent,
With a look of satisfied patience on her face.
Slowly and resolutely she ascends,
And the crowd holds it’s breath for she is near.
Astounded at first, they begin to believe!

A child in the throng begins to cheer faithfully.
Soon everyone is encouraging this brave attempt.
A chant rises from their midst,
“Climb! Climb! Climb!”
And the girl pulls herself over the edge, finally at the top.

She stands victorious, the people calling her name.
She acknowledges them politely but bends to thank her new friend the wall,
For it was there from the first.
It’s ridges and cracks, the vines that lined it,
Would forever be dear to her heart.

She waves one last farewell, for there is much to explore.
Everything she has dreamed of lies in the land beyond.
So without another moment of hesitation,
She begins to descend.
The land beyond beckons.

Transplanted Viens

How quickly love can be deranged-
One moment is sweet serenity,
And the next you can be completely estranged.

Two people who once shared all-
A path in life and a heart to direct-
No longer keep each other from the fall.

Little can be said but that the pain
Finds a way into every corner of the heart that
Once had only love running through its veins.

And we begin to live so differently
Without the warmth of the other’s mind
Listening and loving intently.

It becomes an illness of the heart,
BUT this disease has a cure:
An incision to rid yourself of that part.

Into that space we transplant new veins,
To replace those that have died.
And a new heart begins to nourish what remains.

AND soon this heart becomes more dear,
Because of the pain it helped us endure.

Lost Hours

Striving, thriving, driving,
No rest, so stressed.
When woken dreamers in a disarray
Make sleepless progress every day.

The wishes of the night,
Begin to pour into the day-light.
And the hours spent wide awake,
Wind together without a break.

Yet worthwhile is seems,
To the eyes of those with dreams.
For one blink less,
Means one step nearer to success.

And soon there they will be,
A wish a solid reality.
And the lost hours of night,
Will have aided them in the fight.

Self-inflicted Hurt

There’s a few things in life,
A few things that irrationally hurt.
Like self-inflicted loneliness.
Like unacknowledged success.

Often it’s easy to blame others,
Often it’s hard to look within.
But when you do you become free,
Because life is a process that makes you see:

Your friends do love you,
Your family does care.
And the people who surround you,
Are there to help you repair.

You might feel alone one moment in time,
And you might feel like people leave you behind.
But you are strong.
And you are where you belong.

Remember the Reason

The red,
the green,
the season,
Help celebrate our Saviour on this earth.
The air,
the smell,
the reason,
And the woman that to this babe gave birth.

Each moments blesses, each memory uplifts,
Each reminds us of the Lord’s Christmas gifts.

Oh remember, remember this season, the reason!
Remember the child that was born to this earth,
Who lived a life like none other,
Our Saviour, our brother.

You Are The Candle

It was one day,
One completely ordinary day in your life.
But to me it was everything.
It was the smile of a friend.
It was a comforting word.
It was a new student’s first hope.

My first hope that somehow I was not alone,
That somehow I would make it through.
I was past the point of expecting you.
And somehow you knew.
You saw through the smile I painted on,
And that day it became real.

In the life of a child, scars dig deep.
The scars of a broken home were mine;
The scars of leaving everything I had ever known.
Behind me was everything I could predict.
Its shadow filled my dreams and blinded my eyes,
Yet you lifted the curtain and shared this world with me.

I knew then what you would mean to me forever.
And still to this day I remember the day,
The day you walked by with a friendly smile.
I remember it because you changed me,
You lit the world and pushed away the clouds.
You are the candle that gave me light.

Take Hold, Take Heart

Warm, safe, ever passive;
Blessed, rest, never changing.
Increasingly slow to be forgiving.
Were lives lain down for this?

For red and white,
The men and women fight.
Bullets flying, tears falling,
What good will it have done?

If here we sit,
Waiting to be shown the way.
If here we sit,
Forgetting to seize the day?

Take hold, take heart-
Live life, be smart!
Because of those who believed,
So much has been acheived.

Sing now, write now.
Dance now, study now.
Show them you believe too-
Show them the thanks that is long overdue.

The Goddess and I

Flora, flora goddess of the land I know.
Here in your shadow I did once grow.
In my childhood I played with thee.
In my adolescence you comforted me.

Fond memories I do recall,
When by your side I would so often fall.
You would show me the land, and somehow I’d see,
That the bond I share with it is not such a mystery.

And at times I often wonder,
Why do our two worlds have to be kept asunder?
For if you love me and I love thee,
Our lives should be shared; wouldn’t you agree?

Yet apart we so often must remain,
And I have only one thought that may explain:
That our worlds are separate because of this time,
Had I been born earlier it would have been no crime.

The Beak I Am Now Learning To Use

I sat on the shells that had earlier been my home-
The remains of all that had guarded me into this life.
One of three that lay broken in the nest-
And I was the last to break through their barriers.

They had long flown away to pursue their meal,
And I was left lonely, in the brambles high, high overhead.
Fear left a bitter taste in the beak I was just learning to use.
A desperate chirp escaped my tongue as I looked over the edge.

To fly or not to fly? To jump or not to jump?
To risk the indignity of falling when here I was so safe?
Yet the land bellow called to me, and my wings wanted wear.
I could not ignore the bird within me.

I stretched, I ran, I cried… and into the air I flew!
The land no longer threatened but beckoned as I explored.
This joy I would not have known if I had never jumped.
This joy I would not have known if I had not risked all.

In The Dark of The Night

In the dark hours of the night,
In a city that stirs tirelessly,
The first flakes of the season,
Rain down unendingly.

Here a woman walks,
A bundle held tightly to her chest-
With the air of a broken down empress,
And an expression of fervent unrest.

Her bundled babe is silent like the grave,
And the woman quickens her step.
Stopping, she stares at a plain, coarse door.
Knock, knock…silence resounds.

In the dark hours of the night,
In a city wary of travelers,
The woman waits; steps from within can be heard.
A head emerges through the door.

Bright light exposes the symbol that adorns her arm-
She bears a sign: a scarlet letter.
The man scoffs at the one who’s in need-
He believes he, himself, is better.

That a woman would dare the atrocity-
The sin, the misdeed of immorality-
He shakes the incorruptible head he holds high,
And shuts the door with ‘righteous’ superiority.

Alone with only the bitter wind as comfort,
The woman lets one small tear break away.
“If only my child I could protect,”
To the God above she does pray.

Mechanically she walks to the end of the street,
Without hope she knocks at the last home she sees.
And a young woman answers the door instantly-
Shocked at the sight of the lady who stands in the winter freeze.

“Help my child” she whispers, through lips turned dark blue,
Her earnest supplication is heard by open arms.
The child safe and warm- the woman surrenders,
To the cold welcoming arms of deaths awful charm.

The young untainted woman closes the door,
“What is it Mary?” her husband asks.
She smiles through tears that streak down her face,
“The Lord has given us our answer.”

Though wealth was uncommon to the couple,
And life was a struggle each day,
They had prayed for child to rear lovingly,
And this woman had answered in God’s own mysterious way.

Princeton and The Whole Picture

Im so excited! I would skip the next year if it ment that I could apply faster. Princeton is everything I could have ever imagined!! I can picture myself there learning and living and making friends. The campus is so beautiful. Everything is so architecturally pretty.

I know people don't think I can do this. I know even my mom doesn't believe I can. But I will do it and I will get into Princeton. :) Its all thanks to my english teacher, for pushing us to think outside of this town, to picture something greater. We have been told so often about the expectations people have for us. SAIT, UofC, UofA... but never before had I heard that we had other choices. I had always known that I wouldnt do what everyone else wanted to do. But still- ivy league was never part of the picture. Untill he showed us the whole thing.

M C M

I had an epiphany today. Something I should have always known just stuck out in my mind.. right when I needed it most. It was obvious. It was a truth I had always known but simply never thought about. I can only discribe it in the words of Aldous Huxley, "Did you ever feel as though you had something inside you that was only waiting for you to give it a chance to come out?" Well I have felt this way. Today it hit me harder then usual. I realized that high school isn't what people think it is. Or at least it shouldnt be. Everyone gets caught up with the idea of romance, of love and relationships. But that isn't what high school should be. I have less than two years left with my friends. My best friends. The people that completely understand everything that I feel and the ones that love me unconditionally. They have been my extended family; they keep me out of trouble, they bless my life every day. And the more I think about it I come to realize that high school should be about this. Im building friendships that will last my whole life even when we all seperate and follow our different paths. Instead of looking for love, instead of searching for a boy that I wont even remember in twenty years, shouldnt I take this time, this precious time, to enjoy the moment? When will be all be together again? Its unlikely that a reunion will be as simple as people make it seem. And it doesnt worry me because I know that right now our lives our intertwined and we walk on the same path. Eventually it wont be like that, but thats the natural course of life. Then will be my time to find the man who is ment for me. Right now im growing up. Im finding out who I want to be for the rest of my life. And I have friends that encourage me. People that love me. That is enough. Prince Charming can wait because I have finally realized this truth. Its simple but so many have forgotten it. I wonder how many people have this revelation. If only more knew this.. instead of waisting high school idling away their time only forming half-friendships and just getting by in class. And even though sometimes friends fall into the high school trap, I know enough now that I will be there for them as they would be there for me. Im so grateful for those girls, the ones that will always stand by me.

I love you all <3

To Chandra: You are my soul sister- forever
To Mikayla H: I knew we were ment to be best friends
To Mikayla T: I wish I could share this with you- you changed my life that day in grade five. thank you

Carpe Diem

It seems like so many things are considered impossible in this world. You can't make it. You can't fight this. You can't change the way things are. YOU are no one special. And through this all, few emerge victors over the adversary: conformity. Thousands can tell me that I cannot do something. Yet, the choice is truly mine!
What is life without hopes and dreams? What else can we seek and believe in when nothing else is left? This life is the time to become the person I want to be. AND to do the things I want to do. I can be an inspiration and a force that changes this world even in the smallest degree. I can do anything. And they can try to bring me down, to shake my confidence and determination. But I will win this fight. I will be who I am. I will make it. I will choose my own path, even if it is the one less traveled by. There is to much that I want to do for my life to be meaningless.

I cant

If I could run away I would- as fast as I could,
If I could run nearer I wouldnt be able to stop myself.
If I could rewind the time I would,
If I rewound the time I would make the same choice again.

Im weak; you are to much for me to handle.
Im angry; you shouldnt have this power.
Im hurt; this story is one I know to well.
Im confused; i dont know what you want.

Im remembering the reason I have this shield,
Im remembering that I hold it tight to protect myself,
Im remembering why im this way.
Im remembering that whenever I lower it I get hurt.

I cant change you.
I cant change this about me.
I cant make us easy.
I cant.

Believe Us

In the depth of your eyes,
I find the orbs that reflect who I am.
In the twitch of you smile,
I feel the weight of all that holds me down removed.
Acceptance and all I long for, you hold,
In the palms of the hands you stretch towards me.

You are what I have sought through the billows,
The bird to carry me up high and away.
With your passion and persepective,
I find more to live for, try for and love for.
It is what I could not have dreamed,
Even if I had years to ponder what life would bring me.

These simple words can hardly describe this euphoria.
The air that gathers in my lungs,
Longing to be released in joyous lays.
But all i can do for now is take your hand,
Reach up to a place unexplored and unknown,
Yet I trust that you will believe this; believe us.

And i met him one sunday...

It might be a rule of life but for some reason there is always that one boy who makes your heart race whenever you see him. Even if this boy has been the cause of so much grief in your life. Even if this boy is everything you hate and love all in one package. And somehow they have this insane control over you. They know exactly how you work: what to do to make you happy and what to do to break your heart. But every time they come around you hope it will be different. You just hope that this time they will see how great you fit together. That maybe this time he will be able to deal with a relationship.
I know a boy like that. Ive known him since before ive met him. Hes almost a part of me: one that i dont always like. He is sweet and caring and makes me feel amazing! But its not always like that... and it kills me. He plays with my heart. I can rant and cry and tell myself how much I hate him but it always comes back to this... hes a part of who I am. I cant cut him off anymore than I could do withput a part of my body.
So I stay far away but there is always that pull, that temptation to let him back into my life. I remember how it was and it wasnt always good but it was real. Out of anyone he should have treated me the way I deserved. Instead im just that girl... the one from the past that he can rely on for the future... steady and reliable. I shouldnt let him take me for granted. He was my best friend. But I do. And thats the way it is with us. He doesnt know everything im holding in. Everything that I would love to shout at him. One day he will see how he hurt me. Maybe then he will realize that and realize that ive forgiven him.

Eleonora

Few words have justly described,

And none can choose to whom Love can be ascribed.

Why does Eros, on two, knowingly bestow,

Young love’s ethereal glow?

In the Valley of the Many-Coloured Grass,

Wound an undisturbed and flowing river pass.

Here in our child-like and innocent state,

Eleonora and I did meet our fate.

While the valley bloomed in splendor,

Into loves unfamiliar realms we did enter.

The passion that distinguishes our race,

Took hold of our infancy and left infatuation in its place.

None other had the power to put my heart at ease.

Neither the waterfalls nor the silver trees;

Neither the lush valley nor the native flora;

No beauty and charm surpassed that of Eleonora`s.

When bliss and joy became our daily friend,

The Gods saw fit to bring our ardor to its end.

In the valley where first our love was born,

Tragedy grasped our hearts and in shreds they were torn.

On death’s unfriendly bed,

Sweet Eleonora laid her golden head.

An oath I did make that to her memory I would be true,

She vowed she would watch over me and our love vows we did renew.

The valley filled with despair at her passing,

Flowers did no blooming and water did no flowing.

From that day on no sound was ever heard from within,

Except for the deep mournful sighs of chagrin.

I continued to live in the land we had both adored,

A void in my heart that could not soon be restored.

For years my oath and I were never tempted,

And Eleonora visited me with whispers and comforts she had preempted.

When I could bear the Valley no longer,

I left it for another world that I could conquer.

At first my love’s presence continued to abide with me,

But then her visits ended suddenly.

Ominous shadows became my only friend,

And to the depths of despair I quickly began to descend,

Till brightly beams shining! Fate’s hand interceded,

An angle, a seraph, the woman my heart needed!

The first instant I saw the beautiful Ermengarde,

Every piece of my heart was healed and left unmarred.

Like a sun rises to scare away night,

She chased away my demons and my heart she did ignite.

In the late hours on our joyful wedding day,

A voice spoke to me in a hushed tone to say:

``From the oath that you made with Eleonora you are released``,

And my hearts liberation allowed my joy to be increased!

The rest of my days were spend adoring the woman meant for me,

Alongside the boarders of the land that touches the sea.

And Eleonora surely found a special place in heaven,

For giving me the chance to love again.

You

Your pain is so much deeper then you can tell anyone,
And your not what I thought you would be.
Your exactly the kind of person I look for- but never find,
The kind of person that thinks and acts- unafraid.
Unafraid to tell anyone what you believe,
Unafraid to show the world that you are who you are.
And Im here and your there and I can't see everything,
I can't see what makes you feel the pain that gathers in your eyes.
But I can see that you fight through it to make those around you comfortable.
I know im no one and that my chances with you are next to none,
I know that im afraid of everything and I dont let anyone in.
You're everything im not and everything I need.
I can tell in your mind you have a world of your own,
One were you contemplate everything that you never say.
Its hidden inside because you want to protect others instead of harm them.
I can see that it hurts you to be contained by this world.
Even though you stand out so boldly and everyone admires you,
There's so many other sides and I want to know them.
Your past, every moment of what you feel and what you look for in the future.
A moment in your life is filled with more emotion then many people feel in years.
You live, you love, you hurt and I know what that's like.
I want to let it out and I want to be seen for what I am- like you are.
Everyone sees me as someone who's cautious,
It's because I don't want to hurt anyone either,
I don't want to show others how I feel because it might be to much.
You make me feel like im me- like no one can deside who that is without my permission.
Thank you for your spirit, for being who God made you.
Thank you for touching my life though you don't know it.