Carpe Diem

It seems like so many things are considered impossible in this world. You can't make it. You can't fight this. You can't change the way things are. YOU are no one special. And through this all, few emerge victors over the adversary: conformity. Thousands can tell me that I cannot do something. Yet, the choice is truly mine!
What is life without hopes and dreams? What else can we seek and believe in when nothing else is left? This life is the time to become the person I want to be. AND to do the things I want to do. I can be an inspiration and a force that changes this world even in the smallest degree. I can do anything. And they can try to bring me down, to shake my confidence and determination. But I will win this fight. I will be who I am. I will make it. I will choose my own path, even if it is the one less traveled by. There is to much that I want to do for my life to be meaningless.

I cant

If I could run away I would- as fast as I could,
If I could run nearer I wouldnt be able to stop myself.
If I could rewind the time I would,
If I rewound the time I would make the same choice again.

Im weak; you are to much for me to handle.
Im angry; you shouldnt have this power.
Im hurt; this story is one I know to well.
Im confused; i dont know what you want.

Im remembering the reason I have this shield,
Im remembering that I hold it tight to protect myself,
Im remembering why im this way.
Im remembering that whenever I lower it I get hurt.

I cant change you.
I cant change this about me.
I cant make us easy.
I cant.

Believe Us

In the depth of your eyes,
I find the orbs that reflect who I am.
In the twitch of you smile,
I feel the weight of all that holds me down removed.
Acceptance and all I long for, you hold,
In the palms of the hands you stretch towards me.

You are what I have sought through the billows,
The bird to carry me up high and away.
With your passion and persepective,
I find more to live for, try for and love for.
It is what I could not have dreamed,
Even if I had years to ponder what life would bring me.

These simple words can hardly describe this euphoria.
The air that gathers in my lungs,
Longing to be released in joyous lays.
But all i can do for now is take your hand,
Reach up to a place unexplored and unknown,
Yet I trust that you will believe this; believe us.

And i met him one sunday...

It might be a rule of life but for some reason there is always that one boy who makes your heart race whenever you see him. Even if this boy has been the cause of so much grief in your life. Even if this boy is everything you hate and love all in one package. And somehow they have this insane control over you. They know exactly how you work: what to do to make you happy and what to do to break your heart. But every time they come around you hope it will be different. You just hope that this time they will see how great you fit together. That maybe this time he will be able to deal with a relationship.
I know a boy like that. Ive known him since before ive met him. Hes almost a part of me: one that i dont always like. He is sweet and caring and makes me feel amazing! But its not always like that... and it kills me. He plays with my heart. I can rant and cry and tell myself how much I hate him but it always comes back to this... hes a part of who I am. I cant cut him off anymore than I could do withput a part of my body.
So I stay far away but there is always that pull, that temptation to let him back into my life. I remember how it was and it wasnt always good but it was real. Out of anyone he should have treated me the way I deserved. Instead im just that girl... the one from the past that he can rely on for the future... steady and reliable. I shouldnt let him take me for granted. He was my best friend. But I do. And thats the way it is with us. He doesnt know everything im holding in. Everything that I would love to shout at him. One day he will see how he hurt me. Maybe then he will realize that and realize that ive forgiven him.

Eleonora

Few words have justly described,

And none can choose to whom Love can be ascribed.

Why does Eros, on two, knowingly bestow,

Young love’s ethereal glow?

In the Valley of the Many-Coloured Grass,

Wound an undisturbed and flowing river pass.

Here in our child-like and innocent state,

Eleonora and I did meet our fate.

While the valley bloomed in splendor,

Into loves unfamiliar realms we did enter.

The passion that distinguishes our race,

Took hold of our infancy and left infatuation in its place.

None other had the power to put my heart at ease.

Neither the waterfalls nor the silver trees;

Neither the lush valley nor the native flora;

No beauty and charm surpassed that of Eleonora`s.

When bliss and joy became our daily friend,

The Gods saw fit to bring our ardor to its end.

In the valley where first our love was born,

Tragedy grasped our hearts and in shreds they were torn.

On death’s unfriendly bed,

Sweet Eleonora laid her golden head.

An oath I did make that to her memory I would be true,

She vowed she would watch over me and our love vows we did renew.

The valley filled with despair at her passing,

Flowers did no blooming and water did no flowing.

From that day on no sound was ever heard from within,

Except for the deep mournful sighs of chagrin.

I continued to live in the land we had both adored,

A void in my heart that could not soon be restored.

For years my oath and I were never tempted,

And Eleonora visited me with whispers and comforts she had preempted.

When I could bear the Valley no longer,

I left it for another world that I could conquer.

At first my love’s presence continued to abide with me,

But then her visits ended suddenly.

Ominous shadows became my only friend,

And to the depths of despair I quickly began to descend,

Till brightly beams shining! Fate’s hand interceded,

An angle, a seraph, the woman my heart needed!

The first instant I saw the beautiful Ermengarde,

Every piece of my heart was healed and left unmarred.

Like a sun rises to scare away night,

She chased away my demons and my heart she did ignite.

In the late hours on our joyful wedding day,

A voice spoke to me in a hushed tone to say:

``From the oath that you made with Eleonora you are released``,

And my hearts liberation allowed my joy to be increased!

The rest of my days were spend adoring the woman meant for me,

Alongside the boarders of the land that touches the sea.

And Eleonora surely found a special place in heaven,

For giving me the chance to love again.

You

Your pain is so much deeper then you can tell anyone,
And your not what I thought you would be.
Your exactly the kind of person I look for- but never find,
The kind of person that thinks and acts- unafraid.
Unafraid to tell anyone what you believe,
Unafraid to show the world that you are who you are.
And Im here and your there and I can't see everything,
I can't see what makes you feel the pain that gathers in your eyes.
But I can see that you fight through it to make those around you comfortable.
I know im no one and that my chances with you are next to none,
I know that im afraid of everything and I dont let anyone in.
You're everything im not and everything I need.
I can tell in your mind you have a world of your own,
One were you contemplate everything that you never say.
Its hidden inside because you want to protect others instead of harm them.
I can see that it hurts you to be contained by this world.
Even though you stand out so boldly and everyone admires you,
There's so many other sides and I want to know them.
Your past, every moment of what you feel and what you look for in the future.
A moment in your life is filled with more emotion then many people feel in years.
You live, you love, you hurt and I know what that's like.
I want to let it out and I want to be seen for what I am- like you are.
Everyone sees me as someone who's cautious,
It's because I don't want to hurt anyone either,
I don't want to show others how I feel because it might be to much.
You make me feel like im me- like no one can deside who that is without my permission.
Thank you for your spirit, for being who God made you.
Thank you for touching my life though you don't know it.